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Who Is Samuel Jones: An Exploratory Series Revealing the Facets of a Personality- Facet 2 (Samuel Jones- Bastrop, LA)

Facet 2: Khatrina, the Divine Feminine

 Khatrina really didn't have a name until recently. She is my feminine side and she has been present for as long as I can remember. I believe every male has a feminine side and that every female has a masculine side that is present to the extent that he or she allows it to be. When I was very young, Khatrina was an ever present part of who I was, that is, until I became too old for girlishness in a boy to be permissible. Afterward, a cascade of family and societal expectations were forced upon me regarding what a male was supposed to be. Concertive control is a strong thing. I did the best that I could to remain who I was while trying to satisfy society's expectations.

It felt quite uncomfortable to have to (attempt to) cut off a part of myself that came naturally to me. It was shameful from two aspects: I wasn't what seemed to come so naturally to other boys (if it really did come naturally in the first place) and I was betraying myself by trying to be like them. It was from the feminine aspect of my personality where a lot of love was stored. Love that is executed through caring, nurturing, attentiveness, and affection languished if I couldn't find a veiled way to express it. It's funny really, because back then I thought I was doing such a good job trying to butch. But you see, from my experience, who you are can never truly be erased. I see that now, and I see how Khatrina would slide through every nook and cranny she could. If it wasn't my hair, it would be the music I listened to. If it wasn't the fairy type Yu-gi-Oh cards I collected, it would be my longer than boy-average fingernails. I find it comical now.

When I came to college, I had the opportunity to unify myself with Khatrina once again. Only this time, it was different. I was exposed to the art of drag-- hence the recent naming. And for the first time, Khatrina became personified. She no longer had to sneak her way into my life. Through drag, I have learned how to be comfortable and accepting of my feminine side once again, just like I how I came into this world feeling. By accepting her, and her influence, I am a more complete person and I am happier for it. After all, Khatrina Jackson represents the strength the women in my family are known to possess. This is interesting understanding how she just wouldn't be repressed or erased.

Khatrina Jackson is a bad bitch.


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