Skip to main content

The Optimistic Candle (Louis Toliver Jr-Swartz, LA)

Knifed in the back countless times from either actions or words. Yet, I am still able to get up everyday and face what is wrong with this screwed up world to make things right, to shine a little light.  If these stab wounds were any truth, I would surely be dead by now.   However, that ‘truth’ is just a lie because it is caused by fear.  I refuse to live in fear.  I choose to live in love.  Through the darkness of humanity, I am an optimistic candle.   Sometimes, when I am laying alone at night in my bed I reach behind my back and I am shocked to find my blood on my hands and the pain that goes along with it.  But I am an optimistic candle and if I must bleed to death then I shall do it. I am a river of wax, so light me up. I never want to see the day that the light of those who seek to love or for truth shall dim or fade out. Have you ever been in a dark room during a storm and the lights go out? How relieved are we when we get a candle lit and it brings light to our eyes? But have you ever used one candle to light other candles and the light grows?  The room seems safe because the shadows disappear and the door is visible.  It takes just one candle to light a room, how many candles to light a city? I’m not really sure but I am an optimistic candle.  I know there are many candles out there and I hope they will come together.  I hope they at least try to light up a city, because I am optimistic candle.  At times, my flame grows dim, at times, I think it will go out.  But I have faith that candles could be everlasting, led by the ambition for light.  As their wax melts down to their end, will there be other candles to light us? I used to think as I laid stuck to the harden wax I bled onto my bed that I would be recycled as I waited in my dreams for a match to bring me back to life.  But my reality, my truth, is that many candles have come to pass the same flame onto me as I do unto my children. I am optimistic candle waiting for the storm to pass so the power, the light and the truth will come.


Popular posts from this blog

This Little White Boy Who Wanted Some Nigger In Him (James Leland Ludeau III - Lafayette, LA)

Grew up on a plantation
Secluded from the world
I knew classes but didn’t understand race
Because what raced through my veins wasn’t something of which I could ever speak
My father could fuck the slave girls
But I couldn’t touch the men
It filled me with resentment
Fueled my resentment with lust
Until it was too much to take
It was a small contained community
White as the cotton in the fields
Only dark around the edges where the black men lived
Ploughing the fields
I’d imagine them ploughing me
Glistening with sweat as the sun bathed their shoulders
The sweat running down until it pooled around the waistband of their thin cotton pants
Their skin
Black, almost indigo, like night
Some like coffee with milk in it
Cafe au lait
I could smell their musk
Watched as their muscly bodies worked
I yearned
This little white boy who wanted some nigger in him
To fall beneath the weight of one
As he heaved
As he forced his throbbing cock into my crevice
I longed for even the pa…

God Will Cry (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)

This is your soul trying to connect to you for last the time. We have come to the final crossroad in our life. This is the end. These are our last earthly breaths.
From this abuse of yourself, we will both die. You will be a rotting corpse. I will fade away into Darkness. People may mourn your death, at first, but you will be forgotten, while I am left here molested by the hands of Hell.
God will cry, “My child didn’t fulfill her purpose.”
I’m begging you; don’t do this. It has been a slow ride, a slow descent to suicide.

"I Love You" is Enough (Louis Toliver Jr)

Please don’t stress I see what you do all year Everyday you show me Through your actions How much you care for me But please don’t stress It’s not money or possessions That make me give my life to you It’s the moments that are small When people don’t care to look That you show your love most So don’t stress to demonstrate What you already know you do Just say “I love you” and… My underwear will come off for you