Skip to main content

The Disciple Rejects- 1. "After & Before the Crucifixion" (James Leland Ludeau & Louis Toliver Jr)

“After the Crucifixion”

Banging came to the door. It sounded desperate and panicked.

Thomas wasn’t not quite asleep as the events that had occurred earlier that day were weighing on his spirit. He arose from bed and went to the door. He peaked out the opening. His face turned white with fear. “Judas!” he exclaimed as he opened the door.

“Thomas, I beg, please let me in and hide me! Please, I beg!” Judas was extremely dirty, tears coming from him eyes, shaking. “I don’t know who else to go to.”

Thomas without hesitation grabbed Judas and yanked him inside his home. He lit a candle and walked a limping Judas to his room, there was a clinking sound as Judas walked. 

“What’s that?”

“20 pieces of silver,” Judas said shamefully.

“So it’s true!” Thomas swung Judas down on his beg and then gave him a cup of water. “How could you?”

“I just did what Jesus asked, he told me to turn him into Pontius Pilate, any bargain he offered.”

“You want me to believe that?” Thomas doubted.

“Jesus was my best friend Thomas. I would have never willing harmed his life.” Judas looked directly into Thomas’s eyes. “I am not who killed him, remember that.”

“Yes, but Jesus said that one of us would betray him.” Thomas assured.

“Jesus told me to say that after the speech, “Is it?” so that he real traitor would feel at ease and emboldened. I am not the traitor. I believe it is Peter.” Judas said with confidence.

“Peter?” Thomas doubted.

“Yes, Peter. He denied Jesus boldly three times. Something I would have never done.” Judas was shivering cuts on his body, seemingly from hiding in thorn bushes

“Judas, if anyone finds out you are here, we both will be crucified.” Thomas looked around his house. He saw a feminine cloak that Mary had left over.

“I’ve got an idea. I know who can help.”

“Who?” Judas drank shaking the cup.

“The closest person to Jesus next to you…Mary.”

“Before the Crucifixion”

Pontius Pilot hand selected Peter, as he was one of Jesus' closest disciples. He saw a darkness to Peter. A more human side. He knew that Peter was a follower, and that he'd easily succumb. Pontius Pilot thought the teachings of Jesus to be heretical and that his gathering of disciples may have a political motivation. He needed to put a stop to this. He needed a spy. Peter.

Pilot to Peter, "If you betray Jesus, if you deny him, your life will be spared. If not, the lot of you will be slain. all of you will die"

Peter trembled. For in his heart lay a distrust of Jesus. He never fully believed him to be the Son of God. Why would God send his only son to die on a wooden cross to save humankind?

Pontius Pilot had hooked Peter with his words. Peter would betray Jesus to save his own life. In his mind, Jesus was going to die anyhow. Why take everyone down with him? that wasn't part of the prophecy.
during the last supper Jesus told the disciples that Peter would betray him 3 times before the rooster crowed. But, Peter already had betrayed Jesus by doing Pilot's work.

"Even if all fall away on account of you, i never will." Peter promised Jesus. But he knew he was lying. He had denied his faith already. Crossed over from Gallilean territory to Roman territory to spare himself.

"Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." he promised Jesus.

Later that night, after Jesus had been seized, Peter fulfilled Jesus' prophecy. He denied his association with Jesus 3 times publicly. He was afraid that if he didn't Pontius Pilot would be true to his word and kill all the disciples.

But his love for Jesus and the guilt he felt, led Peter to weep. tears of repentance. In his mind he thought that he may never have to face Jesus again. He believed that Jesus' crucifixion would be the end of all of the teachings. That Peter would be safe. But in his heart he felt a deep sorrow for having sold out his friend. Peter was torn.....


Popular posts from this blog

This Little White Boy Who Wanted Some Nigger In Him (James Leland Ludeau III - Lafayette, LA)

Grew up on a plantation
Secluded from the world
I knew classes but didn’t understand race
Because what raced through my veins wasn’t something of which I could ever speak
My father could fuck the slave girls
But I couldn’t touch the men
It filled me with resentment
Fueled my resentment with lust
Until it was too much to take
It was a small contained community
White as the cotton in the fields
Only dark around the edges where the black men lived
Ploughing the fields
I’d imagine them ploughing me
Glistening with sweat as the sun bathed their shoulders
The sweat running down until it pooled around the waistband of their thin cotton pants
Their skin
Black, almost indigo, like night
Some like coffee with milk in it
Cafe au lait
I could smell their musk
Watched as their muscly bodies worked
I yearned
This little white boy who wanted some nigger in him
To fall beneath the weight of one
As he heaved
As he forced his throbbing cock into my crevice
I longed for even the pa…

"I Love You" is Enough (Louis Toliver Jr)

Please don’t stress I see what you do all year Everyday you show me Through your actions How much you care for me But please don’t stress It’s not money or possessions That make me give my life to you It’s the moments that are small When people don’t care to look That you show your love most So don’t stress to demonstrate What you already know you do Just say “I love you” and… My underwear will come off for you

God Will Cry (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)

This is your soul trying to connect to you for last the time. We have come to the final crossroad in our life. This is the end. These are our last earthly breaths.
From this abuse of yourself, we will both die. You will be a rotting corpse. I will fade away into Darkness. People may mourn your death, at first, but you will be forgotten, while I am left here molested by the hands of Hell.
God will cry, “My child didn’t fulfill her purpose.”
I’m begging you; don’t do this. It has been a slow ride, a slow descent to suicide.