The Louisiana Social Pledge
We pledge our allegiance to Louisiana. We will embrace what makes us and our state unique. Louisiana will be recognized as a leader and innovator of the New South. Many great leaders of the future will come from this state. And we will show both the media and politicians that we are smarter than them. We will no longer have our resources exhausted and our people used and left behind. We will work hard and play hard. We will protect each other. We will support each other. We pledge that we will do whatever we can to get these things in motion right now. We will no longer wait for a path to be cleared for us. We will clear the path ourselves. And we ain’t giving up easily. We will socialize in the real world just as well as we do on the internet…in hopes to organize ourselves effectively.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Two Virgins Doesn’t (Necessarily) Make a Right (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)
Here they were, Ben and Amy, on their wedding night. Both at the ripe age of 33.
As they had been told by others it was best to do, both saved their private parts, (Ben’s penis & Amy’s vagina) from being seen until this ripe age of 33. They never really understood why, but both assumed God didn’t like those who had any sexual experience (at least that’s what they were told).
As they lay in bed together, both naked. Ben looked at Amy. Amy looked at Ben. “So, what do we do?” They said at the same time. “I don’t know,” they both said at the same time.
“I’ve waited since I was a teenager for this, Amy.” Ben assured.
“I’ve only dreamed of this night, Ben.” Amy professed.
Then the questions followed:
“Do you have a condom?”
“Do married people need one?”
-I don’t know.
“Did you learn anything about sex in school?”
“Did you learn anything about sex in church”
“Let’s just try, okay?”
Ben took his penis and tried to enter it into Amy’s ear. It would not go in. Then, Amy took her vagina and tried to place Ben’s toes inside. It did not feel right. And so, this tragedy ended, as they both lay in bed, as their wedding night turned into the rest of their lives, neither knowing what to do. And they lived unhappily sexually frustrated, forever.