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Two Virgins Doesn’t (Necessarily) Make a Right (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)


Here they were, Ben and Amy, on their wedding night. Both at the ripe age of 33.

As they had been told by others it was best to do, both saved their private parts, (Ben’s penis & Amy’s vagina) from being seen until this ripe age of 33. They never really understood why, but both assumed God didn’t like those who had any sexual experience (at least that’s what they were told).

As they lay in bed together, both naked. Ben looked at Amy. Amy looked at Ben. “So, what do we do?” They said at the same time. “I don’t know,” they both said at the same time.

“I’ve waited since I was a teenager for this, Amy.” Ben assured.
“I’ve only dreamed of this night, Ben.”  Amy professed.

Then the questions followed:
“Do you have a condom?”
-No.
“Do married people need one?”
-I don’t know.
“Did you learn anything about sex in school?”
-No.
“Did you learn anything about sex in church”
-Heck no.
“Let’s just try, okay?”
-Okay.

Ben took his penis and tried to enter it into Amy’s ear. It would not go in. Then, Amy took her vagina and tried to place Ben’s toes inside. It did not feel right.  And so, this tragedy ended, as they both lay in bed, as their wedding night turned into the rest of their lives, neither knowing what to do. And they lived unhappily sexually frustrated, forever.

THE END

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