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This Little White Boy Who Wanted Some Nigger In Him (James Leland Ludeau III - Lafayette, LA)

Grew up on a plantation
Removed
Secluded from the world
I knew classes but didn’t understand race
Because what raced through my veins wasn’t something of which I could ever speak
My father could fuck the slave girls
But I couldn’t touch the men
It filled me with resentment
Fueled my resentment with lust
Until it was too much to take
It was a small contained community
White as the cotton in the fields
Only dark around the edges where the black men lived
Ploughing the fields
I’d imagine them ploughing me
Sinewy
Glistening with sweat as the sun bathed their shoulders
The sweat running down until it pooled around the waistband of their thin cotton pants
Their skin
Black, almost indigo, like night
Some like coffee with milk in it
Cafe au lait
I could smell their musk
Watched as their muscly bodies worked
I yearned
Burned
This little white boy who wanted some nigger in him
To fall beneath the weight of one
As he heaved
As he forced his throbbing cock into my crevice
I longed for even the pain of it
For the thrusting of his massive thighs
As he pushed himself into me
And like dynamite, an explosion
La petit mort
“The little death”
And if anyone found out he would be dead
Hanged
But I’d rather he was hung
I wanted to feel the warmth of his liquid enter me
Flooding my insides with life
I wanted to reach into my crevice and feel as he plunged it deep into me
Seeding me like the fields
His name was Louis
Tall, silent mysterious
I lured him out past the bend in the Bayou
I took his hand and then I kissed him
He was tense
For him it was a Damned if you do damned if you don’t situation
He kissed me deeply like he meant it
With a force that tore my lip
I’d tell my mom later that I fell
And I did fall
I fell right there in the woods for him
On that balmy August evening
He put the black in me
And I knew immediately why so many people around us were mixed
Different hair textures
Different skin tones
Green eyes and brown skin
If I could have I would’ve had his baby
But his sperm ran out of me onto the ground wasted
As badly as I wanted to express my joy
I knew it would only bring him pain
He was held down, beneath the white folk
And as I lay held down beneath him
I could see no reason for that
We spoke the same language
Cried the same tears
Came the same shade of white
I can imagine this going on forever in the South
This relentless suffering of the black man
By the hands of the white
When all the white man wants is the hands of the black magic man all over him
So to all the white boys who want some nigger in them
Go for it
Carnal knowledge
For as deep as they press into your asshole
They grow roots deeper into your soul

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