He lay just up the road from my father, the young man I grew to consider my friend though we never met in this realm. On our way to my father’s grave, I was strangely drawn to one nearby. A few small stuffed animals had been placed around it, as if they could either be standing guard or keeping company. I walked up to read the gravestone and learned it was the final resting place of a youth of seventeen. The offerings, loving expressions of grief from his friends, likely their first experience of death with someone so close to their own age. I felt as if I were sharing it with them. My father had been closer in age to when one naturally crosses the veil, but in a way he introduced. On future visits I always made it a point to say hello to my young friend.
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far more i
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