When I find myself alone in the pain.
When I feel like I have absolutely no one to turn to.
When I wish the hurt would stop.
When I don't know what to do.
When I feel completely lost.
When my eyes just won't stop welling up.
When I don't want to bother anyone with my hurt, my pain.
When I know that everyone has other responsibilities.
I don't want to interrupt them with my hurt.
When I have thought about all of the ways to make the hurt stop.
When I am tired of putting on my strong face for others to see.
When I am tired of the tears welling up, filling already soggy eyes.
When I am tired of the tears, tears that roll non-stop over my cheeks.
When I don't want to hurt the ones that I love the most.
When it seems like those who are supposed to love me don't get who I am.
When no one has any idea of the pain my smile hides.
When I am worried about being forever labeled by others.
When I am the one that everyone counts on for strength.
When I never show any weakness but I am at the weakest I have ever been.
When I just don't know what to do anymore.
Where do I turn..
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...
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