I let go of my fear of loneliness. I no longer dread solitude. There’s a quiet strength in seclusion. Even if no one else sees it. I expel my urge to fill the silence. Soundlessness feels welcoming to me now. My heart is profoundly hushed. Even if no one learns how to love me. I clear my mind of its exigency. A pause in thought is no crisis to me. I can breathe without speaking. Even if no one else ever understands.

The fire escape I’m sitting on is giving way,  And when I grasp for something to break my fall  There’s only these sounds that scorch my skin. "I tried to love you, but I can’t.”  Why’d I take you to my favorite place  For you to pour this gasoline on the ground?  no quelling this fire now.  “I tried to love you, but I can’t.”  It’s worse than just not being loved, to know  You tried, like that’s a consolation. It’s the smoke  That stings my eyes, obstructing my vision.  “I tried to love you, but I can’t.”  I’m sitting on this collapsing fire escape  While you’re safe on the ground, looking  Up at me, waiting for me to tell you “It’s okay, I understand.”

 

 

 

 

Stripper Jonathan Oh Jonathan, Dear Jonathan Now you're gone again. Into that dark night, My darkling Prince.   You   never  s lept, At least not for long.   A few moments of still Semi-consciousnes s Were  enough for you.   Then you were off again, My precious  precious  Jonathan, Back on the bike , Into the sirens and neon.   Always looking for More  more   more . Nothing was enough.   Too much was the Unattainable? The Unavailable Goal.   To fill your hole, The one in your ass? The one in your soul?   I loved you so much, I loved you so well, Well, as well As  I could.   The  cloudy   poison we  shared Guaranteed That Love W as  never No  never, Any damn good.

 i want to write you something that encapsulates these feelings the way they deserve to be captured - i am unsure if captured is the right word, maybe released is more appropriate? - i want to release these feelings into language that somehow echoes the way that music tends to taste of you i never thought i'd actually meet my twin flame in this lifetime but here you are - your eyes searching my soul and seeing something you love somehow, - your head in my lap while my fingers caress your temples, - your presence calming this constant visceral anxiety i am fighting, - your touch a comfort deeper than i can explain i am struggling for words still but i can put at least one name to this love: Unwavering.