Why do I find myself here again?  I have an idea of why but scared to admit it.  I’ve been suppressing it for years.  Now that other things have built up, it isn’t as easy to shove deep below the surface.  I feel myself careening out of control, spiraling toward the depth that may not be overcome.  My substance abuse has gotten to a point that recognizing myself is getting more and more difficult.  Changing ways of administration has contributed, if not propelled, this descent.  I try my best not to face things that are difficult emotionally.  I know I’m avoidant…it is something I hate to admit.  There’s been things lately that have piled up…everything with mama, Mary moving out,  the lease here coming to an end, Mawmaw’s health…it all has become too much to deal with so I don’t deal with it and instead cover the pain with my addiction.  I guess I should touch on each of the situations… First and one of the hardest things for me is ...

  The flower sits before the tree, it is like an antagonist of nature. The rainbows fall against the clouds: colors burst into a buffet of light. Rain travels down into a puddle of water portraying the sight of an ugly ox. The strength is weak; it collapses to the ground, life flows out like a stream of consciousness. Back to the daisy and the overpowering oak, A lightning bolt strikes both. The war fades over, the mist evaporates,  and sunshine gli mmers down upon a hidden valley.

 

 

 

  Two hearts that beat for guidance.    no longer grieved for acceptance.    forced to live in a stone paved society.    They convinced themselves to deprive humanity.    As one they would protest;  an unforgiving action.    Their hearts gave into a solitude arrest and forgave religion.    They wore the father in honor for all who judged.    The  holy ghost that sailed their blood was smudged.    They drowned together by bricks created from shame.    For their innocent male to male love was to blame.    They were accused of false love;  A degraded sexuality.    Ignored screams of their lifestyle; A haunted fatality.    Their once angelic souls, tonight, turned vile.    Their tears praised each others reflection in denial.    The vessel that once stored their pride was being set free.    In the wind they l...

  Glimmering eyes and gilded hair I gaze upon. You look away for your innocence has Been revealed. Did I take it away from thee? Or did thou take it away from thy self? You tell me to look in the mirror But all I see is a man. How can we see different images Through the same window? I look upon thee and see memories Of another day. Open fields of red and white And yellow and pink And as many shades that are in between, We sit below the stems of Beauty And stare at the sky passing by. I look upon thee and see memories That is captured for another day. Today, the Roses smell Oh so sweet. I know thou adore the Springtime, And the flowers are blooming. One more chance and I can show thee . But the moment is passed And I no longer breathe… Your scent. 

 

 

 

    Each day I sing and perform I count as victory over blatant favoritism and over all a system built to fail us.   Something setup to remind us we are other. Wrong. Ugly. So much that we have to fight to learn a history hidden. And love how we are made while everything around us screams change. Straighten your hair. We tan you bleach....She was a warm brown. Blue undertones. I remember her.   She sang to me. Her favorite thing was to make me sing along to the Reading Rainbow theme song when I was little. When she was still here.   Her absence hangs over me like an overcast sky. Pushing my feet down harder with every step. The coming rain is pressed to my temples and crowding my mind. Making my knees buckle. Crying in the shower where no one can hear me but God. Father. Silent. Always listening. Watching me slam into emotional walls, stand up and covered in new scars. Where is she?   Forgiveness is not for them. It is for you. Tha...

And I'm calm Untouchably separate from others' actions Continuously giving love despite others' retractions Unexplainable the sense of peace that follows presence A powerful sense of self has taken up full residence A flow reconnecting the soul to potential energies Untapped centers of perceived external synergy Asymmetry balanced within no longer limits me Acceptance a voiceless, timeless remedy I pass ethereal through the swords of imagined enemies In my perception, long held perspective has shifted to one of constant movement Acknowledging the inevitability of my imperfections, I embrace inner improvement  

 

 

 

I’m sorry, Mom,
for the days I stay buried beneath my sheets,
while sunlight begs at my window
and your voice echoes down empty halls of memory.
You gave me all the light you had left—
but I was born with shadows in my bones. I’m sorry the night light of your love
no longer keeps the monsters at bay.
They’ve learned my name,
they sleep beside me,
they wear my face when I look in the mirror. You fought so hard to raise me in peace,
to silence the screams you swallowed for years.
But I inherited more than your eyes,
more than your soft hands a nd fragile hopes—
I carry your ghosts like heirlooms
I never asked for but can’t let go. I know you dreamed of more for me—
a life where laughter comes easier
than breathing through grief.
But drinking the pain away
only makes me thirsty
for the last handful of dirt dropped on my casket.
I sip sorrow from cracked glasses,
searching for something that feels like escape
but always tastes like drowning. I’m sorry I couldn’t always be the son
you belie...

I..... Waited, waited, & waited Until the silhouette of my patience Was left lingering on the window panes..... Sitting in emotions of defeat But this seat...... Was my only attachment to you..... A connection between your soul and my heart Yet, we departed ways In the middle of our days Where the sun would try to hold on to that last lingering cloud Before the moon would break through the shadows..... Neither could fathom the reason why They kept seeing my face day after day..... I Waited..... On you to break the silence Of this dark disposition Wondering where the moments of wondering where you are Were nothing, but wonders pondering on what to think next Yet, nothing was left to think of But you made your decision And I couldn't believe I sat waiting on you to appear Then disappear then re-appear like ain't shit happened That chair should have crumbled beneath me To let me know our foundation wasn't even sturdy enough For me to lay my emotions on..... Waited Un...

 

 

 

  It was wonderful and created an ache in me to see kids with two parents play on sports teams. They got to be in dance and have endless toys. Sing in shows I only heard about at the last minute. I saw so much wealth while I had to follow my grandmother, helping her polish silver and scrub floors . She was unhappy at home but turned on a cigarette stained smile for them. She raised their kids. Cleaned up after their dogs. Nursed a dying mother. We got their leftovers for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I got presents like cassettes and nail polish. Some of them remembered my mother and told me how exciting my birth was. It’s so bizarre hearing so much about a woman you only knew for the first 5 years of your life. Would her friends care to know how many times she came into my room sweating, shirtless, mumbling comforting words and scaring the hell out of me? How I hated waking up in places I hadn’t gone to sleep in? What about the times when she wrapped me in a blanket, carried me ...

In those long ago and far away days I was a little girl, a child fed on romance and fairy tales, In those long ago and far away days The scraps of some kind of imaginary adult life That I pieced together From songs and folklore and encyclopedias My own little dreamed up future With Prince Charming and babies And magic and beauty and comfort A Perfect Life. I idolized him because he sang of love and pretty girls Yet he had the roguish airs I recognized From the handsome True Loves I found between the worn covers of my library books I was convinced with all the seriousness of a young girl That he was my destiny, my future, And no one could have told me otherwise. As with any young girl's dreams, Mine did not so much die as were replaced By other, more mature longings For someone else, most likely even more unattainable When I hear those songs now, as an adult, I am reminded of my childhood adoration And remember that little girl fondly Because even though her dreams may have been Lof...

 

 

 

  Gabi Miller reads her poem, "Starry Night," for the Louisiana Words Tour 2026 at Cavalier House Books in Lafayette, LA.

  I chose not to lead the way or be the focus of intent yet here I reside, all on display for all to see as I repent I cannot be a perfect spirit as long as I am bound in sin I hence feel I’m deemed unfit for a fight I can’t, alone, win I pray with passion to see a promising path of grace where my people can live free and our holy father, embrace Give me strength not to fall on grievous acts against you help me hear my lord’s next call and know your words, alone, are true I follow where you lead my heart I give myself to absorb your love and from evil, set myself apart I patiently await your guidance from above

Is my skin too dark for this job? Do I have the right smile for this gig? Am I the right height for this show? Is my hair too coarse for that hat?   My body, my eyes Imperfection I despise These questions, these lies I’m all caught in compromise   Should I change up this stanza? Don’t bring attention to the art, fool Wait, am I a boy caught in beauty? No, you’re a girl caught in brawn   The voices from my pen speak Many of them care what you think Both friends and foes, I seek I hope I have what it takes not to sink    Do they see my pretty insecurities? Should I ask them what’s my worth? My insides brought outside for auction I want to hold my breath, but can I?   My cab to tomorrow has arrived I’m not sure I can pay the fare On life, I don’t think I’ve thrived But do you really even care?