When I was almost 21, I had a soulful first kiss in a hazy hole-in-the-wall bar surrounded by grungy people, cigarette smoke and pitchers of cheap beer. Lonely for the first time in a long time, I turned to my friend for what comfort he had to offer, which at first just consisted of beer and cigarettes. As the night went on and we got drunker, that comfort expanded and I leaned against him, snuggling into his side and looked up into his scruffy sweet face. He was the kind of person who would be there no matter what our relationship entailed and would care about me even though he didn’t give two shits about anyone else. I snaked my arms around his neck and lost myself in his soft mouth that tasted of beer, cigarettes and devotion.
I meant it not this way but the tears just flow and my makeup smearing all the more, leaving behind that familiar filthy residue. I may have begun to drive myself away, dragging you down as well. But it's done, I've flipped the switch and now it's dark once more. How painful is the music to my ears, I can't stand to be alone in it, yet here I am again. I pray you fly back and safely and warmly to me, though I fear I've dug the grave too deeply. As the dirt shifts within my soul, I choke on those loving words I'd meant for you. All the fragments of light I see becoming smaller and I wish to be near you in your embrace that might make me feel the warmth I'm missing. And in reality, I doubt I'd breathe another breath without you. So come hither and quickly soothe my dying heart, you are the only cure I know. I cry and cry again, come hither to heal and love me. Come hither and help me dry my tears.
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