On my best friend’s 21st birthday when I was 18 1/2 and I just had my first drink at a bar there was another first kiss with a tall gangly boy that I brought with me and I was sweaty and nervous and awkward like I am, finding silly ways to get physical with him while we all walked downtown. He was wearing raggedy black pants and his long hair tumbled into his eyes and even though I knew he didn’t need encouragement when it came to this type of stuff, I also knew he was hesitant because he had never wanted a girl like me before who was religious and abstinent. I stood on my tiptoes in the Borden’s parking lot and tugged his head down to meet mine and in those kisses I knew I had found my forever home. Then I had to make him ask me to be his girlfriend because good girls don’t kiss boys that arent their boyfriends, ya heard.
I meant it not this way but the tears just flow and my makeup smearing all the more, leaving behind that familiar filthy residue. I may have begun to drive myself away, dragging you down as well. But it's done, I've flipped the switch and now it's dark once more. How painful is the music to my ears, I can't stand to be alone in it, yet here I am again. I pray you fly back and safely and warmly to me, though I fear I've dug the grave too deeply. As the dirt shifts within my soul, I choke on those loving words I'd meant for you. All the fragments of light I see becoming smaller and I wish to be near you in your embrace that might make me feel the warmth I'm missing. And in reality, I doubt I'd breathe another breath without you. So come hither and quickly soothe my dying heart, you are the only cure I know. I cry and cry again, come hither to heal and love me. Come hither and help me dry my tears.
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