8/12 while I marathon train I play a game. I spy on country road bullet shells and pregnancy test
and rotting cat and I run feeling so alive. It’s an American garbage mimesis of a fertility religion,
death and life cycling on a turtle’s back. Why does shooting guns make men feel alive. Why do
pregnancies make women want to die. The aztecs had the answer I guess.
9/10 I saw an alligator snapper size of a sacagawea dollar moving across the road- I continued
for a moment but then turned back and picked him up by his sharp rippled edges and set him in
the grass to return to his riparian zone.
9/17 saw the turtle again, this time smashed into the pavement
9/18 my schizophrenic ex says this is a metaphor for my fear of death- I tell him I’m not afraid to
die. He knows he says I’m afraid of the ones I try to save. A month later he sends me a message
that says help, I feel like I’m on fire. I offer to take him for ice cream.
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