Hiding Behind My Truth (Ted A. Richard - Church Point, LA)

Small talk

Innocent chatter

Idle gossip

But the talk isn’t small

The chatter isn’t innocent

And the gossip isn’t idle

We spend our lives talking, chatting and gossiping

Always about others but seldom about ourselves

What is so important about someone else’s life 

That we spend our valuable time

Trying to tear them down?

Are our lives so uneventful

That we must dwell on others’ misfortune?

All my life

I’ve been taught to tell the truth.

“The truth shall set you free!”

Bullshit!!!

The truth hurts

And my heart aches

When faced with my own demons.

It is so much easier staying mired

In small (not so small) talk

In innocent (not so innocent) chatter

In idle (not so idle) gossip.

I find myself hiding

Behind the things that matter most to me.

I hide behind the fact that I am intelligent

Yet allow others to make me feel stupid.

I hide behind the fact I am deserving

Yet allow others to destroy my worthiness.

I hide behind the fact that I live a life of achievement

Yet allow others to make my accomplishments seem insignificant.

And then  a moment of clarity!!

When did “I” become one of the “others”?

When did I decide that my life isn’t better

Unless someone else’s life is worse?

I was drowning in a whirlpool

Where I couldn’t be “more than”

Until everyone else was “less than”.

Then there it was…

MY truth !!

Staring down into the depths 

Of this swirling waterspout.

What the hell was it doing here?

And why?

I thought I had lost it

But there it was

MY truth !!

And it was all lies!!

I had convinced myself “I” was better than “them”

I had fooled myself into believing that if “they” were bad 

Then “I” was better.

I had lured myself into a false sense of pride

Believing the lies I was telling myself.

All my life

I had been hiding behind my truth.

And it wasn’t until I was forced to be

Face to face

 With the truth

As it ACTULLY is

That I fully comprehended that 

My version of my truth 

Was BULLSHIT !!

I had been dishonest with myself

And, in the process,

Made myself “less than”

By giving others the power to be “more than”

This life is so unfair,

But there is no referee

No umpire to fault those 

I allowed to hurt me.

So I became a disciple of my own truth

And stopped hiding behind the truth that I knew

And started living the truth that actually IS !!

I became the truth that was buried in others’ lies

And the truth that sought my own destiny!!

They say “The truth will set you free!”

AND IT DID !!!