The Care and Feeding of Your Human: A Guide for Parents (Chris Hayes

The Care and Feeding of Your Human: A Guide for Parents (Chris Hayes - Lafayette, LA)

The small being entrusted to you will be helpless at first,

Totally dependent upon you for care.

Familiarize yourself with its cries and behaviors.

Be sure to keep it clean and comfortable,

And feed it at regular intervals.

Love your human unconditionally.

Your human will acquire information

From its surroundings at astonishing speed,

And will soon make its preferences known.

Offer a wide variety of palatable foods,

Most of which it will refuse to eat.

If this happens too often, offer gummy vitamins.

Although you should provide a structured environment

And communicate your expectations clearly,

It is important not to behave in a punitive or controlling fashion.

Although it may be more difficult to do so at this point,

Love your human unconditionally.

As your small human gains knowledge and skills,

Granting freedom and independence while at the same time

Providing a safe place to return when the world feels unsafe

Will allow it to develop into a capable young adult.

Your charge should be mostly self-feeding at this point.

Keep the freezer full of pizzas

And the pantry stocked with ramen noodles.

Avoid trying to force your human to conform to your expectations.

Although it may seem an impossible task at times,

Love your human unconditionally.

As your human reaches maturity, it is reasonable

To expect it to feed you from time to time.

Your most difficult challenge will be

To transition from caretaker to supportive companion.

Continue to love your human unconditionally.

Indefinitely.

Unreservedly.

Proudly.

Chris Hayes

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV)

Comments

Ash Wednesday (Brian Falcon - New Orleans, LA)

It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...

Louisiana Words Remembers Jorge Arturo

There’s nothing that hurts more than when we lose someone from our Louisiana Words family. But, the beauty of our writing movement is that the words of our loved ones live on with us. On June 20th, 2023, Louisiana Words Allstar, Jorge Arturo, moved on from this world leaving our hearts broken. He was a charismatic and talented human being. Jorge resided in New Orleans, LA and had been active on Louisiana Words for over a year. To honor Jorge’s life and work, we will be sharing his writing and live performances all Summer 2023. Please help keep his spirit alive by sharing his work. We know that Jorge’s words will connect with our readers and we hope to keep his spirit alive. Jorge’s first submission: “The Dog Show” debuted on February 6th, 2022 and is his most successful piece to date. In 2022, Jorge spent 10 weeks in the top with “The Dog Show,” “Weavers,” “They Say Love Kills, This Time It Really Did,” and “If Hell is Real, It Looks Like an Airport.” His la...

Nobody Said There'd Be a Day Like This (Sam Ray - New Orleans, LA)

I know how this should be: I've seen it, you see, In soap operas, Movies. Your eyes are closed, As if in sleep. Perfect peachy skin Atop a snow white pillow Under flawlessly matched sheets. The heart monitor, Quiet bleeps. The ventilator, A steady hiss. None of that is this. Your eyes Stuck open Seeing without sight Yellow sclera Dumb tears streaming. Tubes, taped to your face Delicate skin torn Where nurses Repositioned them To feed you To heal you You never liked being told What to do. Your whole torso spasms Spastic, Every 40 seconds. A machine Forces your lungs to act. Your hands are warm From hemodialysis But don't respond When we each grab one Give it a kiss. We spend the day Brushing your hair Telling stories Singing songs. Praying prayers. You're not there. Hospital staff Are more lovely If less pretty Than on TV. When the time comes They gently walk us From the room Close the curtai...

Search This Blog