As I lay peering into the darkness of uncertainty ahead, many thoughts of Why? Could-haves? Should-haves? race unceasing. Yearnings of wellness, future plans, an equal solitude, like those memories of times past frequently enter my senses. I now see myself as an outcast, outsider from my own body, as I view healthy persons in my perceptive eye as uncaring or inhuman in action. Feelings of inadequacy, shame, or anger surface as I hear media spew stories of, hate, rejection stigma because of the virus that found it’s way into my body.  Where greed and indifference vie as a form of success in the democratic society, expressions of concern abound at creative solutions of which to fulfill my remaining quality of life. Ironically it has taken a conversation with death, to experience the anger to want to live.  This very threat to my health has given me willingness to get in touch with my inner feelings, to share in my love of music, art, and writing openly without reserve....

     You can go to confession and be absolved from the "sins" you commit. You can go to mass to appear to live the Christian life. You can even go to Sunday school to learn the teaching of a book that was written thousands of years ago (you'll forget it anyway, most likely). But my so called "sin" is unforgivable. And it's an abomination. Well I have one request. If my "lifestyle" upsets you so much, why don't you just forgive me?!

A bleeding heart beats inside my chest I want to fix you, hold you gently If only I had the ability to help you the way you need I could save you from yourself Stay with you, take care of you You may not even realize who I am But I love you and care about you Once in my not-so-distant past I learned what it was to be completely alone And to feel like no one understood Or could help me Maybe now you see why I want to help I know the way you feel Maybe not the exact emotion But I understand the depth of your pain I have scars like you do Maybe not as deep But they are still etched into my wounded heart So please Let me be there for you If only to hold you while you cry Tell you that it's gonna be okay Because even though you can't see the light now Doesn't mean it isn't coming And if it's alright with you I'll stay and keep you company until then Wait with you until you realize That no matter how alone you feel I will always love you.

How many ways can I say I love you ? I'm running out of words For once To describe to you the depths of my feelings The endless promises of my soul You and I more than anyone Have been through hell and back We know what it is to think we've lost everything Just so we could start anew You have hurt me more than I've ever thought possible And brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined When we met no one could ever have predicted How this story would go A good girl meets a bad boy But now We are only Ourselves And that makes me happier each day more I am gifted to spend with you.

A long time ago in the year, 2012 Some human beings once thought That the world would meet its end It’s nothing new to human history Fear is commonly used to control So making others believe in destruction Undermines GOD’s purpose for us Which is to create from the center Like GOD, we share the same center And within us is the ability to create Or the ability to destroy, this is true As apocalypse talk aims to enslave The human gift of intelligence through fear However, life does not ever, ever end It always continues, I promise you that It’s the beginning of a new world At least as we don’t know it, yet But those after us will know what this world Overcame to become a planet of global allies I feel good to know that tangible human Enlightenment is on the rise and I feel fine

Amidst majestic mountains of morn, lay meandering trails covered in dew. Skies dawning bright amber forelorn, winds whisping evergreens moments through. Maturity experiencing time go by, foundling wildlife yet to rear. Waiting till precious eagles fly, sensing approaching winter season near. Gentle calming tides ebbing flow, revealing seas natural watery scene. Great rivers winding far below, among deepest valley’s so serene. Prideful humankind boasts to kill, against poor natures helpless will.

You only love me when the sun's down The words to explain escape me But give me the masochist crown How can I show you the pain? The hurt that makes me come back  Even with nothing gain The love I have has no slack Give me the masochist crown And say you'll stay around