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"Im Sorry" (Adam John Schexnayder - Crowley, La)


It was time for bed now.  After this day, I needed all the rest I could get.  Not only was I jet lagged, but now I had to face this wedding in less than two days.  Chris came into my room.  He sat on the edge of the bed.  He put his head in his hands and began to rub his face.


                 He said, “I love her.”

                “Like you love me?”

                “Don’t be like that.”

“What you expect from me? To be amazingly happy that you found someone to marry? To just stand here while you marry someone else? What happened to forever and always? What happened to us against the world? How do I come into play in all of this? Huh, Chris?”

“You know I love you more than anything in this world.  And I would never do anything to hurt you, but I can’t do it.  I can’t be who you want me to be.  I can’t hold your hand and walk down the street.  I can’t kiss you in front of thousands of people.  What kind of life would we be living? We’d always be in secret mode.  Never being able to let anyone inside.  Separate holidays, separate bedrooms, separate everything. Is that what you really want?”

“None of that matters.  What I really want is YOU.  Everything else is just bridges to cross.  I guess I’m not really worth that, huh? If you love me like you say you do, you shouldn’t want anything else.  You shouldn’t want Barbie and her dream house.  You should want ME!”

His next move surprised me more than the wedding.  He got up and walked out of the room. Without saying a word or even looking back.  It felt like a thousand knives hit me in the chest.  I couldn’t breathe I was crying so hard.  I guess New York changes people.  

Well, I would love to tell you about the whole thing leading up to “speak now,” but it would just make me vomit.  It was the perfect ceremony.  It’s what a couple in love deserved.  So, I’m just going to skip to the part you all want to hear.  The preacher said, “Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”  He paused.  The church was dead silent for what seemed like twelve years.  Then the preacher proceeded with the wedding.  

I couldn’t believe what Chris was doing.  I was frozen.  I couldn’t move, think, or act.  When I finally came to, they were putting on rings.  I just walked away.  I stepped down from the altar and walked right out of the church.  I could hear everyone mumbling in surprise.  I really could care less.  He chose her.  He chose her.  Despite the mutual, intense love we had between each other, he chose her.  How could he do that to me? I was so mad and hurt that I couldn’t even cry.  When I got to the doors, I turned around and caught eye contact with him.  He simply shrugged his shoulders and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”  That’s when the tears came. It felt like I was going to cry for the rest of my life.  Life is not fair sometimes, but hey, what are you going to do about it?

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