Trapped in a wormhole that keeps replaying , like the music
in my head, I can feel it repeating every time but can’t pause the show or the
spinning in my mind. I live on a physical world and with it comes a physical
pain, a pain too great to keep me moving down here yet not strong enough to
keep me from that spiritual plane, the one that leads directly to you. I cannot
always see you, hear you, touch you, but I know you are there and you are real.
I’ve felt you fill me before, a glimpse of true life, true love with no anger,
sadness, or worry and most of all no pain. I step among the fallen and I suffer
because I am just like them – broken, beaten, and too far from your touch so
that my fingers keep slipping through your hands and I feel myself sliding
down, down into replay mode but I just call to you and I know, I know you are
right there and holding me patiently through it all. Lucky me. What I wouldn’t
give to be in sync with you, full of love, of joy and giving it to all who ask
and even those who don’t. And though I often slip and fall, get tangled in the
blankets of darkness and knowing evermore that I’ve had this dream before which
is sometimes sweet but sometimes scary. I know there is a reason for it all and
I trust you. I do. And I always will.
I meant it not this way but the tears just flow and my makeup smearing all the more, leaving behind that familiar filthy residue. I may have begun to drive myself away, dragging you down as well. But it's done, I've flipped the switch and now it's dark once more. How painful is the music to my ears, I can't stand to be alone in it, yet here I am again. I pray you fly back and safely and warmly to me, though I fear I've dug the grave too deeply. As the dirt shifts within my soul, I choke on those loving words I'd meant for you. All the fragments of light I see becoming smaller and I wish to be near you in your embrace that might make me feel the warmth I'm missing. And in reality, I doubt I'd breathe another breath without you. So come hither and quickly soothe my dying heart, you are the only cure I know. I cry and cry again, come hither to heal and love me. Come hither and help me dry my tears.
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