Skip to main content

To My Future Husband (Skyra Francesca Rideaux-Carencro, LA)

24 years 10 months 309 days
A witness to my loneliness
God’s  attempt to fulfill His Purpose
Through His daughter
A daughter that used to claim another father
But cries for want of his voice
24 years 10 months 309 days
Silent frustration at the lack
Of respect mothers are teaching their sons
Doors not opening on the passenger side
Of my crossed ankles
Chairs still pushed slightly underneath
Cheap tables and dutch balances
I Love you coming from lips steamed in passion
Between closed legs instead
 Of on bended knees with pearl rings
A mother made when still a child
Left with the scars of regret and anger
Fighting my own demons between
The blood on innocent sheets
He should have been yours
You should have been mine
And I yours, We all belong to God
But choices have led to a path
Where three years of abstinence
Three years of waiting to be
My husbands crown and spread
Diamonds on silk sheets of marriage
To a man God told to find only me
Three years of empty passenger seats
Tables for one,
And spider webs growing in places
Where passion never pulsed
The man my husband should look like
Sleeping in a tomb near God’s Hand
I die everyday longing for both
my father and my husband
because both have abandoned my heart
and left me to my lonely independence
its dark here where I cry
and I cry and I cry
for the father that will never
walk me down a garden filled
with forget-me-nots
for a son who will never know
the image of manhood
for the husband who will never
know I am enough
for the life sacrificed to a God
of mysterious ways
for a woman too scared to admit
that every night when God’s listening
she prays for her future husband
for the man that God promised Jesus would be
the bridegroom to my loneliness
the crown of my future husband
24 years 10 months 309 days
And still I await his answer


Popular posts from this blog

This Little White Boy Who Wanted Some Nigger In Him (James Leland Ludeau III - Lafayette, LA)

Grew up on a plantation
Secluded from the world
I knew classes but didn’t understand race
Because what raced through my veins wasn’t something of which I could ever speak
My father could fuck the slave girls
But I couldn’t touch the men
It filled me with resentment
Fueled my resentment with lust
Until it was too much to take
It was a small contained community
White as the cotton in the fields
Only dark around the edges where the black men lived
Ploughing the fields
I’d imagine them ploughing me
Glistening with sweat as the sun bathed their shoulders
The sweat running down until it pooled around the waistband of their thin cotton pants
Their skin
Black, almost indigo, like night
Some like coffee with milk in it
Cafe au lait
I could smell their musk
Watched as their muscly bodies worked
I yearned
This little white boy who wanted some nigger in him
To fall beneath the weight of one
As he heaved
As he forced his throbbing cock into my crevice
I longed for even the pa…

God Will Cry (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)

This is your soul trying to connect to you for last the time. We have come to the final crossroad in our life. This is the end. These are our last earthly breaths.
From this abuse of yourself, we will both die. You will be a rotting corpse. I will fade away into Darkness. People may mourn your death, at first, but you will be forgotten, while I am left here molested by the hands of Hell.
God will cry, “My child didn’t fulfill her purpose.”
I’m begging you; don’t do this. It has been a slow ride, a slow descent to suicide.

"I Love You" is Enough (Louis Toliver Jr)

Please don’t stress I see what you do all year Everyday you show me Through your actions How much you care for me But please don’t stress It’s not money or possessions That make me give my life to you It’s the moments that are small When people don’t care to look That you show your love most So don’t stress to demonstrate What you already know you do Just say “I love you” and… My underwear will come off for you