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21st Century Problems: A.D.D., Work, and Sh*t Part 1 (#9)


It’s 4:30 AM. Today I have to work all 5 jobs. I haven’t slept much. My mind has been racing with the will for the day to end before it has begun. I really want some lemonade but here is none is the house. I’m not sure if I will have lemonade today, but I want it. I need to go to the gym before I go to work. I am tired of work. I need to go to the gym. The gym. Go to the gym.

Job# 1: Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, and Coffee (5:30 AM)

“Welcome to Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, and Coffee! I’m Trey,” Adderall and coffee together causes an upset stomach. I know this. Even though I have the urge to take a massive shit, I have to hold it in until the end of my shift and stay joyous. “Uh….let me get one of them big chocolate-mel coffees,” the man spoke through the intercom. He sounded familiar. “Sir, do you mean a large coffee with caramel and chocolate in it or a large caramel mocha?” Hmmm, I was having déjà vu. “I said I want one of them big carmel-choco coffees…like on the picture there,” he insisted. “Wait…wait…wait! Sir, do you think at McDonalds?” I tell you McDouches has really messed up the energy in the world getting into the coffee biz.

Job# 2: The Road Nowhere Project (9:00 AM)

I have no idea what my purpose is at this job. I sit at a computer as a part-time “quality advisor” to help get funding to those that are in need of funds to rebuild homes due to natural disasters. We are currently still helping those from Hurricane Katrina in 2005. I must tell you it is the year 2017. I make sure names are spelled right on applications…I think. I really needed to use the bathroom. #2 was waiting.

Job #3: YoguLand Shift 1 (12:30 PM)

“Do you have anymore cheesecake pieces?” the voice tried to penetrate my mind, but I was stuck in the chorus to Michelle’s Branch’s “Are You Happy Now” playing like an angel from up above. “If there aren’t any out there, I guess not,” and that’s what I usually said that triggered anger and yogurt getting slammed on the counter.
Ugh, I still had half a day of work to go and I’ve got to take a shit so bad, but I can’t find the time to do it.

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