I guess I was at the point where I had the time to
pick up another job, considering my FTM transgendered boyfriend broke up with
me at Picadilly. I’m not good with being idle AT ALL. When I’m idle, I’m stuck
trying to figure out why I think the way I do and my thinking is always
distracted by my A.D.D. which is always an issue because I’m not really sure
that I always stay on target for what the point is of sharing my observations
about living in a world that makes sense and doesn’t make sense. See what I
mean? I’m supposed to be talking about why my 4-year Bachelor’s college in
General Studies (What the hell is that?) degree hasn’t paid off exactly the way
I want it. That’s why I’m working 5 jobs with a college degree. Did I mention I
have no health insurance?...So, I am basically desperate. I live in a country
that has convinced me that there
are no jobs around. Which is code for “jobs we don’t want to do.” So, I bit the
bullet and went to McDonald’s to apply for a manager’s position. Working in the
fast food industry is tough the days with all the menu options, health
awareness, and 24-hour service. Working in fast food would put me in a tight
spot being that they want me to be there 8-10 hours a day! That’s hard because
my jobs that I have currently are all designed around my A.D.D. I can only
maintain focus for so long on one task…So, I go in for the job interview. I am
immediately turned away because I don’t have a McDegree. “Generally” speaking, there
was no point really to this “general” rant like my college degree that makes me
feel “general.”
I meant it not this way but the tears just flow and my makeup smearing all the more, leaving behind that familiar filthy residue. I may have begun to drive myself away, dragging you down as well. But it's done, I've flipped the switch and now it's dark once more. How painful is the music to my ears, I can't stand to be alone in it, yet here I am again. I pray you fly back and safely and warmly to me, though I fear I've dug the grave too deeply. As the dirt shifts within my soul, I choke on those loving words I'd meant for you. All the fragments of light I see becoming smaller and I wish to be near you in your embrace that might make me feel the warmth I'm missing. And in reality, I doubt I'd breathe another breath without you. So come hither and quickly soothe my dying heart, you are the only cure I know. I cry and cry again, come hither to heal and love me. Come hither and help me dry my tears.
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