"Hiding Behind My Truth"
But the talk isn’t small
The chatter isn’t innocent
And the gossip isn’t idle
We spend our lives talking, chatting and gossiping
Always about others but seldom about ourselves
What is so important about someone else’s life
That we spend our valuable time
Trying to tear them down?
Are our lives so uneventful
That we must dwell on others’ misfortune?
All my life
I’ve been taught to tell the truth.
“The truth shall set you free!”
The truth hurts
And my heart aches
When faced with my own demons.
It is so much easier staying mired
In small (not so small) talk
In innocent (not so innocent) chatter
In idle (not so idle) gossip.
I find myself hiding
Behind the things that matter most to me.
I hide behind the fact that I am intelligent
Yet allow others to make me feel stupid.
I hide behind the fact I am deserving
Yet allow others to destroy my worthiness.
I hide behind the fact that I live a life of achievement
Yet allow others to make my accomplishments seem insignificant.
And then a moment of clarity!!
When did “I” become one of the “others”?
When did I decide that my life isn’t better
Unless someone else’s life is worse?
I was drowning in a whirlpool
Where I couldn’t be “more than”
Until everyone else was “less than”.
Then there it was…
MY truth !!
Staring down into the depths
Of this swirling waterspout.
What the hell was it doing here?
I thought I had lost it
But there it was
MY truth !!
And it was all lies!!
I had convinced myself “I” was better than “them”
I had fooled myself into believing that if “they” were bad
Then “I” was better.
I had lured myself into a false sense of pride
Believing the lies I was telling myself.
All my life
I had been hiding behind my truth.
And it wasn’t until I was forced to be
Face to face
With the truth
As it ACTULLY is
That I fully comprehended that
My version of my truth
Was BULLSHIT !!
I had been dishonest with myself
And, in the process,
Made myself “less than”
By giving others the power to be “more than”
This life is so unfair,
But there is no referee
No umpire to fault those
I allowed to hurt me.
So I became a disciple of my own truth
And stopped hiding behind the truth that I knew
And started living the truth that actually IS !!
I became the truth that was buried in others’ lies
And the truth that sought my own destiny!!
They say “The truth will set you free!”
AND IT DID !!!