I let you call me names that I never was. I let you convince
me that you knew who I was better than me. I let you abuse me because I had no
idea what love was. You were my first so I gave you all of me, first. You spoiled
me for the worse. I had no way to protect myself from you. You had infected me.
You had abused me. My stomach turns because I allowed it. I can not judge
myself though, because I didn’t
know any better. I hadn’t been trained in love. You used up all of my love and my
spiritual tank fell to empty. But I had to learn that even though you made me
feel expired, I had no expiration date. Little did you know abused me wasn’t
all there was to the strong me.
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...
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