We weren’t lovers. We weren’t friends. Though we “tried” to
be. You knew that I was scared to stay with you. You knew I wanted to leave but
you convinced me to stay. You told me that we could make “us” work. I would do my
way and you would do your way. How could I have ever believe that mentality
would have ever lead down to the path of “us.” But, how can I blame you for
making me stay when I could have left? How could I blame you for my weakness
then, when I should thank you for my strength now? You were not really there
then and you are not really there now. I was just me "there," wherever I was. That is all that matters.
And I know that now.
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...
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