The Best Part of the Worse Part (Madisyn Barbosa-Lafayette,LA)

the best part is knowing when im looking perfect,
with a great outfit and great make up,
and feeling on top of the world,
invincible in my beauty and personality and who i am.
the worst part is knowing that underneath the clothes,
is not what everyone sees with clothes,
the worst part is every night,
when i strip down before my shower,
and looking in the mirror,
and wondering where did i go?
where is the me i just saw just a few minutes ago,
the real me,
with out my makeup and clothes,
my reflection is lie,
the person in the mirror has my face,
but not my body,
the worst part is bathing that body,
that in the back of mind,
i know is me,
but the feeling that im washing someone else,
makes me wanna cry...
the best part is in the morning,
when i hop out of the shower,
and wrap that towel around my head and my body at the chest,
and look in the mirror, and think to myself,
hey there you are,
and smile really big,
putting on my stockings and dress or skirt,
or even cute tight jeans that fit me so well,
putting my bra on and a cute shirt or blouse,
putting my make-up on,
and when every thing is done,
looking in the mirror and seeing the me inside as the outside,
matching 100%.
and i take a deep breathe,and my eyes water with joy,
and i begin my day in the public.
the best part of the worst part is knowing i wont hate my naked reflection for ever,
that some day in my future, i will see the real me in the mirror,
the one i see when i close my eyes, the one i feel i am.
the worst part of the best part,
is its not completely instant,
i cant go to "trans r us" and walk out the person i know i am,
its having a day to day change,
one at a time,
for years,
just to be me,
the money spent and saving,
the employment is a war in itself just to be hired,
the best part of of me is me,
the worst of me is he,
but slowly and surely,
the me will be free from the he...
and that makes me cry,
out of joy...

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