Skip to main content

The Best Part of the Worse Part (Madisyn Barbosa-Lafayette,LA)

the best part is knowing when im looking perfect, 
with a great outfit and great make up, 
and feeling on top of the world, 
invincible in my beauty and personality and who i am.
the worst part is knowing that underneath the clothes, 
is not what everyone sees with clothes, 
the worst part is every night, 
when i strip down before my shower, 
and looking in the mirror, 
and wondering where did i go?
where is the me i just saw just a few minutes ago, 
the real me, 
with out my makeup and clothes, 
my reflection is lie, 
the person in the mirror has my face, 
but not my body, 
the worst part is bathing that body, 
that in the back of mind, 
i know is me, 
but the feeling that im washing someone else, 
makes me wanna cry...
the best part is in the morning, 
when i hop out of the shower, 
and wrap that towel around my head and my body at the chest, 
and look in the mirror,and think to myself, 
hey there you are, 
and smile really big, 
putting on my stockings and dress or skirt, 
or even cute tight jeans that fit me so well, 
putting my bra on and a cute shirt or blouse, 
putting my make-up on, 
and when every thing is done, 
looking in the mirror and seeing the me inside as the outside, 
matching 100%. 
and i take a deep breathe,and my eyes water with joy, 
and i begin my day in the public.
the best part of the worst part is knowing i wont hate my naked reflection for ever, 
that some day in my future,i will see the real me in the mirror, 
the one i see when i close my eyes,the one i feel i am.
the worst part of the best part, 
is its not completely instant, 
i cant go to "trans r us" and walk out the person i know i am, 
its having a day to day change, 
one at a time, 
for years, 
just to be me, 
the money spent and saving, 
the employment is a war in itself just to be hired,
the best part of of me is me, 
the worst of me is he, 
but slowly and surely, 
the me will be free from the he...
and that makes me cry, 
out of joy...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

This Little White Boy Who Wanted Some Nigger In Him (James Leland Ludeau III - Lafayette, LA)

Grew up on a plantation
Removed
Secluded from the world
I knew classes but didn’t understand race
Because what raced through my veins wasn’t something of which I could ever speak
My father could fuck the slave girls
But I couldn’t touch the men
It filled me with resentment
Fueled my resentment with lust
Until it was too much to take
It was a small contained community
White as the cotton in the fields
Only dark around the edges where the black men lived
Ploughing the fields
I’d imagine them ploughing me
Sinewy
Glistening with sweat as the sun bathed their shoulders
The sweat running down until it pooled around the waistband of their thin cotton pants
Their skin
Black, almost indigo, like night
Some like coffee with milk in it
Cafe au lait
I could smell their musk
Watched as their muscly bodies worked
I yearned
Burned
This little white boy who wanted some nigger in him
To fall beneath the weight of one
As he heaved
As he forced his throbbing cock into my crevice
I longed for even the pa…

God Will Cry (Louis Toliver Jr - Swartz, LA)

This is your soul trying to connect to you for last the time. We have come to the final crossroad in our life. This is the end. These are our last earthly breaths.
From this abuse of yourself, we will both die. You will be a rotting corpse. I will fade away into Darkness. People may mourn your death, at first, but you will be forgotten, while I am left here molested by the hands of Hell.
God will cry, “My child didn’t fulfill her purpose.”
I’m begging you; don’t do this. It has been a slow ride, a slow descent to suicide.

"I Love You" is Enough (Louis Toliver Jr)

Please don’t stress I see what you do all year Everyday you show me Through your actions How much you care for me But please don’t stress It’s not money or possessions That make me give my life to you It’s the moments that are small When people don’t care to look That you show your love most So don’t stress to demonstrate What you already know you do Just say “I love you” and… My underwear will come off for you