As I was in London, I stood in the St. Pancras
International Train Station, met with the concrete creation of my abstract thoughts. For 28
years, I stood in contemplation, in something in my mind that was just like
this station. Many trains, many
destinations, many distractions, yet only one train led back to you. I had been
so distracted by the cost of my train ticket and all the thousands of people
lost, like me, that I almost missed the love train. I almost lost you. I almost gave up on us. At "that" time, I
was missing the love inside me that could fuel me to act. But I have it now, so I
finally decided to get outside of my head and contact you. When I called and told
you I was coming back to you, all that I loved, I could hear the excitement,
still, in your voice. So, I had to act for us. The “other” trains I traveled had
taken me away from you for good purpose but had also brought me back with that same
purpose. I was ready to leave the station and get on the love train, to you.
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...
Comments
Post a Comment