Skip to main content

Yet Another Thing That I Wanted to Say to Him (Amber J Lucik- Lafayette, LA)

     When he asked me why I couldn't answer him, after he asked me why I had pushed that boy in school for calling me a name that I wouldn't repeat to anyone and he had waited with that stare that bragged that he knew exactly why and this was just some sort of exercise he was performing at best or just a mean trick at worst, I started to cry. Just turned red in the face and felt that horrible stretching tug in the middle parts of the cheeks while my other features all collapsed on themselves in some evacuation drill we must have learned as babies. And I screamed at him to stop looking at me like that, which he just took as another chance to prod. "Like What?" And me, ah the humiliation, "I don't know. Like an experiment. Like a lab rat." And his cold response colder, "Stop talking in cliches, child. You're better than that." And me, getting worse, "Stop it! Just stop. Just stop. Just. Just stop looking then." But not even as articulate as the words might seem right now, now that they are written down, compact, finite, with clear lines breaking around every sound. But gasps mixed in, and snot, my tongue retreating too, desperately curling back to my throat, my lips inflexible storm shutters drawn in at the siren of my wail. And his perpetual annoyance at my childishness, and my mother storming in, insisting that I was, in fact, a child, staring him down in a way I was getting better at not noticing though I wasn't there yet. A true warrior, that woman, fierce and precise, a wrangler of men and madness and he got up and went out to the car and left. Which means that it was he who caved, who cowarded out but I'm only starting to see that now. What I would have said, what I should have said, was this...Like a picture before it's the puzzle. Like my only purpose was always to be chopped up and then, insult, to be patched back together and all just for kicks. Like even the violent explosion of myself into pieces, glorious in its way, was NOT the point. That I'd be forever fragile, left to lie around on large flat objects so little pieces of me didn't accidentally crumble off and fall beneath a couch. Divisions would forever remain, and you could do it again at any time. Tear me up and start over. Same process, same result. And in that moment, there I was: Suddenly aware of the jigsaw warming up and staring me down. And not really understanding why it had to be this way. And you there with safety goggles on, deciding that you made me and that this was my purpose. And me wanting to find my own purpose. These things. What I could have said if I'd known the question was coming, with proper preparation, normalized sleep habits and good diet, hygiene  the like. It was in me. The words. It just took me another 15 years to find. Old kook. Crazy old man. Where are you?

Comments

Trending Favorites

Legacy of the Future (Ted Richard-Church Point, LA)

One day, a very large owl appeared in my dream. Its rainbow colored feathers showed Only the wealth of wisdom that had been Amassed throughout its lifetime.
And then it spoke to me “Legacy of the Future” And then flew away.
It’s strange to me how a dream can be So distant yet so relative, So blurry, yet so vivid; So imaginative, yet so real.

I spent many of the next years Wandering and wondering. Wandering through my childhood, Wondering where life would take me. Wandering through my adolescence, Wondering which path to choose. And wandering in my young adulthood Wondering if the choices I made would ever mean something.
And then I remembered the dream. “Legacy of the Future” And I knew exactly what the owl meant.
From that day forward, Each day I dwell on each moment As a way to become the person I envision myself to be: Honest, Strong and Proud. I am honest about my successes and honest about my failures. My failures become opportunities, and leads to more focused direction. I am s…

When I Look into the Rainbow I See (Bisquita Stevens-Broussard, LA)

When I look into the rainbow I see
Blues like the sky and greens like grass to grow.

When I look into the rainbow I see
Yellows like the sun that gives me the Vitamins that my skin needs. When I look in the rainbow I see
Purples and oranges that make flowers look so Vibrant into my eyes. When I look into the rainbow I see
Red that stands for hate the same hate that is why a lot of us can't marry the person that we love with all our of heart. Isn't red supposed to mean love? Red hate, just because I love someone in my own sex.
I also see hate in my own Gay community. Who cares If I can't wear the Latest fashion because of money that I don't have? It should be what is in my heart. Stop the hate and stand together as one.

Superman (Jennifer Chehardy-Lafayette, LA)

I thought you were Superman. Taking off Brave. No gear. No fear. Kryptonite? Pffft!  Muah! So you thought. But discovered When you landed, there lie your krypto. The green glowing rock of  The familiar, routine, ordinary. What next? Another flight. But how? After you've worn the cape. Es-cape. Leave the cape. Only to discover you are Clark Kent. And he is Superman. Maybe not in flight but in person. Be that person With or without the cape. The story still ends the same. Get the girl. Know your weakness. Always a hero Just sometimes in a different place. When you were flying I said Who is that? A bird? A plane? When you landed I saw you really were Superman.