Skip to main content

You Ain't Seen Nothing Like This (Louis Toliver Jr-Swartz, LA)

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Like This

I can wipe my ass with a rock, granite preferred, but a nice pumice will be best, any lava rock helps with my hemorrhoid. I can yell at a deaf person on the north shore of forever land with chocolate mountains built with “yes grandmother”s. I can think of seventy-two ways to say “motherfucking” in the February amount of time green becomes aqua mist.

            I can whisper, “I love you, Diego.”

I can steal a present, some Vaseline. Do you like Vaseline? Hmm, say it with me…Vaseline.

            I can whisper again, “I love you, Diego.” Because, I do.


Santa’s helpers have the video camera out while Mrs. Claus is gone. There was a sale at Saks and Guns–N-Things. Studio 54 reopened in the back of the house and I’m watching.

Oh, and I stole a present from the cookie jar, wink.

(burping up pecans)
What do you want for Xmas, Ho?

An “A” in Flying By-101?

(unzipping Vixen’s pants)
  And what are you willing to do?
(interrupting drunk)

Mrs. Pac-Man
(getting off Santa)
No, you’s be eating up all my cherries with no job and they be’s one hundred points, you goofy looking bitch.

I’ll answer Santa’s question. Well…

I can
Shit in-
To this
Yummy poetry (comma?)

Oh. whoa is me on this apple-ridden,
Gumdrops. On my toes.
My Ego. Runneth over.
The mail. Comes on.

(look stage right)                                                            I can stand here and play with myself.
Oh, I can be so dramatic!

I can be a man, a woman. I can be a woman with a dick on my ear with no discharge. I can be a man with a pussy on my back with no heavy flow. I can abstain from being an asshole after a Jager-Xanex Bomb. I can punch air with Lego hands. I can, not end a sentence

                                                            I can blend into this space.

I can occupy any place on Jupiter if I put my mind to it and stay in the D.A.R.E program. I can fuck a lifesaver and then shake your hand. I can use an adverb to describe how I write, but I won’t. I can keep going on and on and on and on and on and on…

“I can, not fit in,” said the nose picker before he double dipped into the fondue at the paintball party.

And I responded, “Yes, it’s sooooooo nice that I can do whatever the fuck I want to do, too.”


Trending Favorites

Louisiana Words History: Harvey LeBeouf and the Rise of Rural Louisiana

Harvey LeBeouf, the 8th accomplished Louisiana Words Allstar and the 2nd quickest writer to rise to this status since 2015, has brought in the most followers than any other writer in the history of Louisiana Words since 2014. He has racked in the most #1 poems and been consistently in the top 3 for Best of Week since Winter 2019. He gained Allstar status quickly having many poems under his belt with many more to come! A native of Kaplan, 27 people have joined the community ranking Kaplan at #6 in the top 10 places following. Yes! Kaplan the 1st rural town to beat out larger places like Shreveport (currently not in the top 10). Now living in Lake Charles, Harvey has also brought in 19 followers for Lake Charles ranking them #10. Both places are currently listed on the Louisiana Words Tour coming in the Winter 2020. Thank you, Harvey!

Louisiana Words Commercial (1.4) - Veterans Memorial Park

Rhythms & Visions: Langston Hughes (Alexander Roussel - Lafayette, LA)