“Oh, GOD!” we cried. “Please help us with the burdens of being a man!” We have felt weighted down by our identities for too long. Our emotions have been held within inside us for too long. “How do we teach our sons to release their pain, GOD, Oh GOD?” Our sons fear their fathers. Our sons are afraid to become real men. Our sons want to become their fathers in order to take revenge against their own fathers. “Oh, GOD, help us!” We want our sons to play pianos, we wanted our sons to love their husbands, we want them to love who they are. “Oh, GOD, teach us to love our sons. Oh, GOD, teach us to hug our sons!” We want our wives to believe in us, men, again. “Oh GOD, teach us, men, how to accept ourselves!”
It’s forgettable- the number of times I was called a “fucking faggot” as a kid. As a former child of god, I wasn’t expected to know what those words meant. I was taught that repentance was vital to achieving everlasting life. My momma made me go to church every Sunday. I said my prayers as I was told. But I eventually learned that Catholicism was never my sanctuary. Christianity was never my safe-haven. God never stopped the cheap shots. He never once prevented the harassment or pure embarrassment that I felt from the words of my “kin in Christ.” Now, picture me- a helpless faggot, blinded by the incandescent lights of an old catholic church. I was home from college spending Spring Break in my former hellscape. So, naturally, my momma yet again made me go to church. This time, on a Wednesday. It was Ash Wednesday. When I was among the folks from home, I felt out of place. So much that I’d imagine camouflaging myself. Like saber-tooth in hiding. But the difference? I had a far mo...
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